There is a certain sadness
in the gently falling snow,
a softness, a delicacy of touch,
the tender surrender to soft warm flesh.
With dogged persistence,
it bandages winter wounds,
covers the carnage of autumn’s passing,
colors with wonder the weary
through their long gray desolation.
And yet there is a certain sadness
that awe filled eyes, cozy curtained,
cannot understand till jolted
by a thorough washing, to
fully face its joy,
feel its bite, its sting,
and finally believe
it's real.
@jms 30jan08
in the gently falling snow,
a softness, a delicacy of touch,
the tender surrender to soft warm flesh.
With dogged persistence,
it bandages winter wounds,
covers the carnage of autumn’s passing,
colors with wonder the weary
through their long gray desolation.
And yet there is a certain sadness
that awe filled eyes, cozy curtained,
cannot understand till jolted
by a thorough washing, to
fully face its joy,
feel its bite, its sting,
and finally believe
it's real.
@jms 30jan08
2 comments:
Greetings! This poem has some beautiful imagery. In general i like new perspectives on sadness: an oft written about topic that can still be expressed so elegantly. In this piece, as in a couple others you have posted here, you've chosen sort of predictable linebreaks (granted, im not a poet, but I've studied and written some!). What works for me is writing the whole piece as prose, and reading through several times to find new line breaks--breaks that contain images that can stand alone in some way. I'll comment again with an example...
"There is
a certain sadness in the
gently falling snow,
a softness, a delicacy of
touch, the tender surrender to
soft warm flesh."
Im not saying this is the best way to edit this, but see how beautiful "touch, the tender surrender to" or "soft warm flesh" sit alone? The reader will read your content via your punctuation--so your lines dont need to reflect your stops and pauses. the line breaks and the punctuation can both be used to emphasize images or ideas.
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